peer marriage cannot exist in a happy family

ENG 101
Prof. Dowling
Lorita Zhen Chen
Two Part Essay They Say
4/11/07

They say in the modern society, men and women should be equal, especially in a marriage. “Peer marriage” derives from this point of view. The basis of a happy marriage is tolerance, and in generally, women are more tolerant than men. Because of this, there is equality in a marriage if the woman is really not equal to the men.

It is very natural that a couple has different opinions. If we insist on equal rights for women and men, family arguments would happen at the time. Usually, a wife will stop the arguing. It seems hard for a couple in a peer relationship to create an intimacy without any scarifies. Both parties have their reasonable views and strong power and authority. The high divorce rate in the United States indicates that the peer marriage is difficult.

Compared to our parents’ generations or before them, women in modern society are more independent and knowledgeable. As individual pursue higher and higher education, they know more about the world and the society. Women have developed more independence at work and at home. However, one problem married couples face is when to have a child. This probably leads to conflict. The wife may not be willing to become pregnant because she is working and makes good money, but the husband might insist on having a baby. Eventually, conflict will break out. In a contrast, this was not a problem in our parents’ generation. Women stayed home and raised children. At that time, women knew few things about the world outside of family. In the past, if the woman gives in to the husband’s wishes, there is peace in the family, but it was not a peer relationship.

Today, society gives women more opportunities. Yet, it also results in a problem. Women often cannot balance time between job and family. In recent years, a lot of women occupy high positions at work. They are more chances for women to be promoted to high management positions. The high position can also mean high frequency of trip. If a woman has children, there are difficult choices for her to make, either staying at home to take care of children or focusing on business. If her husband does not understand her, it can lead to fighting. In contrast, my mom would choose to give up a promotion without any complaint if she were in the same situation. Actually, customs and norms in old society limited women. They didn’t need to quarrel with their husbands for making decisions. The husband made the decisions because he made the money. This was not a peer marriage.

Sometimes, when I review the opinion of feminism from the marriage angle, and I think, a happy family cannot be built on selfish relationships. Peer relationships mean equal understanding, equal responsibility and open communication. Both people must be able to be tolerant to make the marriage work. So, men, do not think you are always smart and reasonable. If an argument stops, usually because women choose to back off.